Best friend dating a loser
” Or is he looking for a reality check from you because his head is so spun that he’s stop trusting his own gut, and he knows he can trust you to look out for him in a way that he can’t right now? PUT BREAKING UP ON YOUR TO-DO LIST AND THEN CHECK THAT OFF WHEN YOU’VE BROKEN UP. And then, you said it yourself in your letter – you can set boundaries and change the subject.Since they’re talking about matrimony I’m guessing the first one, but it’s not 100% certain and can even oscillate from day to day or even moment to moment. I can write the scene from the movie right now where me-as-therapist would Hulk out: “OH GOD BREAK UP BREAK UP NOW. “You already know how I feel.” “I want to be supportive, but this story makes me uncomfortable.” “You already know how I feel, so why are you telling me this?There’s kind of a test for this that’s also the way to cope with this. ” And if you can find it in your heart, maybe try this: “I don’t like him, and I still don’t get it, but if you are happy then I trust you.” By which I mean…. Maybe Darth Vader has some rough edges but is really kind and funny in ways you don’t see.
” Then the next time your friend sees you he’s on the defensive, and if you say anything bad about the partner you’re just reinforcing the badness. PLEASE VISIT THE DEPARTMENT OF BREAKING UP ON YOUR WAY OUT AND FILL OUT THIS COMMENT CARD ABOUT BREAKING UP.I tell you all of this because: I think of myself as an intelligent and level-headed person, but I still got swept away. If you can understand that you can forgive him for it. You can’t talk someone out of being in love with Darth Vader, and sadly, the worse it gets the more your friend might try to talk himself into trying to make it work because if there is a happy ending all the ways he’s had to abase himself to stay in the relationship will have been “worth it.” You tried that, it didn’t work. If this guy is really a bad person or even just a bad fit for your friend, then sadly even the best-case scenario involves pain for your friend.If you can forgive him, when the topic of Bad Partner comes up, you can silent remind yourself “He’s getting something out of this that I can’t see.” That might be what you have to keep repeating to yourself as they careen toward the altar. At some point the guy might do something awful enough that it breaks the spell.I think the biggest red flag is that this guy doesn’t seem to have any other friends. My friend claims that he does have some friends back home in another state, but he’s never met any of them.Since I’ve said what I had to say to him and they’re still getting married, I realize that I probably have to just resign myself and change the subject a lot when we’re together and the relationship comes up, but I’d welcome any other advice.