Best friend dating a loser Chat sex fre
What a therapist does is ask you leading questions and radiate non-judgement until you’ve talked your way through all your own defenses and circular bullshit and tried to turn things into entertaining anecdotes and try to convince yourself that “it’s not that bad” until you run out of excuses and you have to say the truth: What you want. That seems crazy counter-intuitive and I can feel those words turning to ashes in your mouth, but this is why I suggest them: Controlling people make their victims second-guess everything.
When you’re involved with a Darth Vader from beginning to end it’s a story of “I can’t believe this is really happening! In which case, you don’t have to go to their wedding.
They would audibly groan and roll their eyes and leave the room if I answered a call or a text from him or brought up his name.
They could not understand what I saw in him, and I could not really explain to them what I saw in him, but the answer was embarrassingly specific: Really Good Sex Enough Drama To Fascinate.
I’ve told my friend what I think, and he always has an explanation for everything this guy does.
My friend has brought up that the guy probably has Asperger’s syndrome, which, okay, that explains some of the social awkwardness, but I hate how my lovely, kind, and outgoing friend is always explaining and apologizing for this bozo’s outbursts.
”) That gives the partner ammunition to say “Jorge has never liked me, why would you keep hanging out with someone who is so hostile to the person you’ve chosen to spend the rest of your life with?
He has a lot of expectations for how my friend should be that makes me think he doesn’t really “see” my friend clearly and accept who he is.
So when someone says “You’re the only person who really understands me” to you on the second date, you panic.
So do I….except for when I was completely high on being intertwined with who I thought was the First Person To Really Get Me, Too, and then had to spend a year of my life in Love’s Methadone Clinic.
There’s kind of a test for this that’s also the way to cope with this. ” And if you can find it in your heart, maybe try this: “I don’t like him, and I still don’t get it, but if you are happy then I trust you.” By which I mean…. Maybe Darth Vader has some rough edges but is really kind and funny in ways you don’t see.
When your friend tells you another story about Darth (or makes excuses for crappy behavior), answer like a therapist would: Don’t talk much, and when you do, ask only questions. Maybe the things he does activate your own personal peeves and triggers that you assumed your friend shares but it turns out he doesn’t and the things don’t bug him the same way.